CPC: China x Norway
by motherofpancakes
Summary: Listen up peoples, this is for catskid100's crack pairing challenge. And it seems that I chose China x Norway this time! Warnings inside. PURE CRACK.


_A/N :Beware of the whole freakin story. I liked how the idea came out but hated how I wrote it out. I feel I could do this better but was too lazy to actually do it. By the way this is pure crack._

_Warning: Did I mention that it's pure crack? _

_Disclaimer: If I actually owned Hetalia, everything would be all yaoi and stuff._

_Drunk_

There was one reason why China and Norway never drank in front of the other representatives of the countries because if they actually got drunk, things would get out of hand.

It was the eighth UN meeting that year and pretty much everybody was already tired of listening to America and England arguing.

"You git! What kind of bloody idea is that!"

"No, listen to me Iggy, it's the best idea ever."

China was already pretty tired of listening to the argument between England and America, so he just got up and left without even saying anything. Before he left, he shot a glare to the two that were arguing but the glare was left unseen by the two.

Norway, seeing China leaving as a chance for him to leave too, also got up and left.

Outside the doors, Norway spotted China. He never talked to the elderly nation before but he would rather talk to him then being stuck there listening to the other two arguing.

"Hey China."

"Hello Norway aru. Were you also bored by those two too?"

"Yeah."

"You want to go find something to eat, lunch is in like ten minutes aru."

"S-Sure."

_*back in the meeting room*_

"Hey where's China?"

"A-And Norway too?"

"You git! They must have been bored out by you!"

"Well it's their fault for not listening to the hero speak."

"Hey, Kiku."

"Yeah Hong."

"Have you noticed that lately Yao-gege seems to be easily irritated these days."

"Why do you say that, Hong?"

"Well, usually Yao-gege sits thru the whole meeting but lately when he gets annoyed, he just gets up and leaves without any explanation."

By now, the two that were arguing already stopped and the whole group were eavesdropping on what the two Asian men were saying.

"Well, maybe aniki is tired. He really needs to relax himself these days."

"I GOT IT! Me being the AWSOME ONE will help poor little China."

"Bruder! When did you get here!"

"I'm so AWESOME that none of you noticed me."

"Well, mister genius. What's your plan?"

"Tsk tsk tsk. I would have thought that bushy brows over here could have figured out the answer. Well, me being the awesome one would tell you. The best way to relax is to get drunk."

"That has got to be the stupidest idea ever, you git."

"I should have known that only the AWESOME me would be able to understand myself."

"Whatever, if you could get Yao to relax, even if it's the stupidest idea, I'm up for it. So what's your plan?"

"Come over here and I'll tell you."

"Hey Prussia. If you can get China to relax, how about doing the same thing for my Norgie. He's easily irritated these days and he needs to loosen up."

"Sure! Now let the Awesome me tell you all about my awesome plan."

"So what do you want to eat Norway? My treat aru."

"Oh, I'm not that hungry. I'll just drink some water. Thanks for offering."

"No problem Norway aru."

"So how's it been these days China?

"Fine I guess aru. But my economic conditions aren't going so well so I get easily irritated these days. It also doesn't help that I have to sit thru these meetings ever single month listening to those two idiots fight when I could use that time to do something more productive aru. So how are you these days aru?"

"Wow, Sounds harsh China. Me, I guess I'm fine but lately Denmark has been getting on more nerves like never before."

"Ahhh….Denmark. he can really be annoying sometimes but a good guy aru."

*bell rings*

"I guess it's lunch right now aru."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

As soon as the bell rings every single country rushes to the lunch area.

"Prussia you git. You better make sure that plan of yours work."

"Calm down bushy brows…The Awesome me never fails at anything."

Right in the middle of the lunch area was China and Norway sitting together.

'Great, Target on sight.' Prussia thought to himself.

""Yo, China and Norway! My man, How's it been? The awesome me plans to talk to you guys today."

China and Norway, startled by the Prussian man approaching them, didn't do anything to stop him.

"H-Hello Prussia aru."

"What up, China-who-is-not-as-awesome-as-me."

"T-That was very rude aru."

"Whoa, calm down. It was just a joke. So how's it going Norway?"

"I'm fine. Thank you very much, Prussia"

"Both of you seem so annoyed by the two idiots so I though that the awesome me should help a friend in need. Here." At this, Prussia took a whole crate of beer out of nowhere and dropped it on top of the table.

"Uh…sorry Prussia aru but I only drink tea."

" Yeah same here, Prussia."

Prussia, a little annoyed that the two rejected him, initiated phase two. As if on cue England suddenly shouted at America. America, who was oblivious to the plan that was being initiated shouted back and the argument started again.

"Oh no aru. There they go again." Both China and Norway tried to ignore the argument taking place but it was no use.

"Prussia, Give me a beer. I need to drown myself so that I don't need to listen to this utterly pointless argument."

"Sure thing, Norway. So how about it, China, Do you want one?"

"I-I guess it can't hurt aru."

*36 cans of beer later*

"Hey Prussia *hic* this *hic* did help. Thanks *hic*"

"It's fine Norway. Glad to help a friend in need."

"Wh-Wha is *hic* this aru?

"That my friend, is the best German beer there is."

"Thanks *hic* Prussia aru."

"No problem China.

"Hey *hic* Norway."

"Yeah *hic* China."

"I *hic* never noticed but *hic*, you have a *hic* really pretty *hic* hair clippie *hic* aru."

"I'm sorry *hic* but what *hic* did you say?"

"I said that *hic* you have a really *hic* pretty hair clippie and *hic* it makes you *hic* look like a really *hic* pretty girl aru."

"Well, *hic* your ponytail makes you *hic* look like a pretty *hic* girl too."

"Oh *hic* hell no. You did not just *hic* call me a girl *hic* aru."

"Well *hic* you called me a *hic* girl too. I bet that *hic* I could take you down."

"Well *hic* bring it aru~."

At this time, the nations in the area all stared at the two drunken nations that were getting up and looked like they were going to fight.

"Bring it *hic* aru."

"You're *hic* going down."

The two drunken nations started to back away from each other and it looked like they were going to ram at each other.

The other nations couldn't peel their eyes off of the two nations and they were so ready that China was going to beat Norway in their fight considering that China knows martial arts. What then happened, shocked the entire audience that were staring at them.

Instead of ramming each other so that they could take each other out, the two rammed in to each other and were stuck in a feverishly hot kiss.

Tongues were darting in each others mouths and hands were roaming on each other's bodies but it seems that Norway had the upper-hand because he was on top of the Chinese man.

"So you going to *hic* give up yet, China~" At this moment, Norway began to nip on the other's earlobe and whisper in the other's ear.

China, being on the bottom of Norway was feeling jolts of pleasure whenever their hips grind together.

"I don't *hic* think so *hic* Norway aru." Just then, China flipped their positions so that he was on top of Norway and Norway was under him.

" I bet that *hic* I'm *hic* more of a man *hic* than you aru."

"Oh yeah, China. *hic* Why don't you *hic* show me."

"I bet that *hic* I can do you right here and now aru!"

"Oh *hic* is that so."

All countries were stunned at what China just said.

"A-America, Did he say what I thought he said."

"I-Iggy…You heard it right. He did say what you thought he said."

"Ohhh…god what have we done!"

Clothes were starting to fly everywhere between the two drunk man. And before they knew it, all countries were staring at a half-naked Chinese and Norwegian man getting it on right there.

"Everybody out NOW!" The loud voice of Germany penetrated the silence that was lingering in the area except for the moans coming from a certain Norwegian man.

"Everybody OUT NOW!"

Before they knew it the nations were being forced out by the German.

"Elizabeta, we got to go NOW."

"Yeah yeah, I know Roderich. Just let me get a couple of more pictures."

"Elizabeta, we got to go!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Last one, last one! I promise."

As soon as the Hungarian lady finished her umm…hobbies, a certain Austrian dragged her out of the room before anything else that could happen that would scar his eyes.

* Weeks after China's and Norway's accident*

It was the world meeting again and the nations were afraid that incidents like the last one would happen again.

The first thing that the German decided to do was to ban all alcoholic substances in the meeting room.

Everybody that was at the meeting last time all agreed.

Before the meeting could get on with America and his brilliantly ideas, a certain Hungarian stood up and spoke.

"What I'm going to propose to you right now would de disapproved but please bear with me. You know why everybody is usually annoyed in the meetings, it isn't because of America and England's bickering. It's because everybody is lacking this."

At this moment, the Hungarian woman projected a certain picture on the projector.

It was an umm…interesting picture of China and Norway at the last meeting with half of their bodies exposed.

"LOVE! This is what we're missing peoples."

"You!" Hungary pointed at Germany "You know that little Italy-chan loves you, yet you never tell him your feelings."

"And You!" Hungary pointed at England " You know that you are so in love with Alfred over there yet you refuse it and lie to yourself."

"This is what we need, love, emotions! Come on, you all know that you love each other yet you all deny it."

"We all have to thank China and Norway for showing us what we need. Thanks you guys."

At this moment, China and Norway were red from embarrassment are ran out the door.

Out of the meeting and into the hallways where it was empty, Norway pushed China to the wall.

Norway leaned down and gently whispered in China's ear, "I miss how your skin rubbed against mine China~."

"I miss your loud moans aru~"

"I wish that we could be with each other again~"

China gently nibbled on Norway's neck and whispered, "There~" and pointed to the closet room. Norway began to feel a surge of heat building up in his lower regions.

"But you promise to let me on top, right~"

"Whatever you say aru~ Whatever you say~"


End file.
